Like any other average, run of the mill Princess, I need a snazzy ride.  A car that's cool, fun, and looks good as I roll out of it.  Since Green is the new Black, I naturally also need the most fuel efficient, socially responsible model on the block.  These factors, and price, are what drove me to buy a 2006 Scion xB with the Rampvan wheelchair modification by Braun Ability.

Unfortunately, the only reliable driving that car can do is to drive me completely insane.

Here's a little history for you:

Originally, I purchased a 2005 Scion xB Rampvan, brand-spanking new.  It had to be special ordered, and when I got it, she was a gleaming, deep sapphire jewel of automotive genius.  At one time, we seated folk thought we were relegated to hideous, oversized, gas-guzzling minivan monstrosities with inflated price tags.  But, lo!  Here was a fully-automatic, ramped out, wheelchair accessible Chariot of Hotness that costed half as much as the vile Mom Mobiles that peppered the sales lot, and was more than twice as fuel efficient.  It seemed too good to be true... which, little did I know, it was.

I signed some papers and took my new baby home, proud as any new momma would be.  The first thing I did was hop on all the Scion forums and boast about my awesomely modded beastie.  All the car guys (with their turbo chargers and ginormous speakers) oohed and ahhed over my kneeling air suspension and automatic ramp and rear gate.  Even though it was for mobility, the one thing that's respected in the Scion community is a hot mod.

I was happy as a clam...that is, until a hose broke.

You see, the rear end of the car is held aloft by airbags that are filled with a compressor that keeps them at a safe ride height until the car is told to kneel.  Now, in an ideal situation, the car only lowers when I push my neat little button.  The rear gently kneels to make it easier to get into, the rear hatch opens up, and a ramp folds out automatically.  However, should the compressor fail, or the hoses break, the air bleeds out and the butt of the car promptly drops onto the gas tank, which was moved and mounted under the car.  It's a fabulous concept in theory, and when it works, it's fantastic, except that it rarely works correctly, and at all other times it's an outright deathtrap.

Not a really great situation to be in at 100 km/h.

So, a hose blew, and my car's butt abruptly hit the ground and scraped.  I panicked, but took it in and had it fixed in short order.  All was well in my Kingdom...until another hose blew and the compressor died.  Another tow to the dealership, another loaner van, and more time taken out of my day.  By now, I was sensing a pattern, but I was locked into a contract and was paying on a lump of a car I rarely had in my own possession.

And when I got it back, the nightmare didn't end.

Four more times it failed, even after they installed steel braided hoses in place of the soft rubber ones (as an aside: would YOU trust a ton of metal and high speeds to a wee, soft, rubber hose?!  I'm just saying...), the compressor kept dying.  Finally, after many heated discussions, Mr. Rick N. at Braun agreed to replace the car with a new one under the Lemon Law.  Well, it's not like he had a lot of choice, as it is a LAW, but anyway...

That's how I ended up with a 2006 Braun Scion xB Rampvan.

Unfortunately, this car didn't die all at once like the last one, but it's still just as dangerous.  I've had it for about three years and have now killed six compressors, I believe, including the one that just died this morning.  Even though I have an extended warranty on the mods, they find ways of not covering important parts of the modifications, meaning I paid a lot of money for something absolutely useless.  (It's by Warrantech -- anyone know anything about them?)  I'm tired of worrying if the compressor is going to fail and kill me and/or other innocent people, tired of spending extra money to repair something that shouldn't be broken, tired of shouldering a burden that Mr. Rick N. from Braun assured me would be completely absent from this particular model, and in short, I'm tired.

If I haven't gotten a call back from Braun by 4 PM, I may go ballistic.

And it's not like I'm the only one who has this problem.  The About.com article on the xB Rampvan has a few interesting comments at the bottom:

I'm wondering how many other people are having the same problem, and if we're all having the same safety concern, why hasn't Braun recalled the vehicle, or at least the air suspension?!  This is prime lawsuit fodder, and to ignore it seems reckless to me.  Is it because we're all just a bunch of gimps and don't really matter?  Is it because people think we're weak as a community?  Do they think that we'll get tired of fighting and just give up?

Well, if that is the case, they apparently have never dealt with a Princess, because this Princess wants the pumpkin turned back into a befitting coach...

Else I'm going to start making a whoooole lotta pumpkin pie... and eat them for breakfast.

*EPIC FREAKING FAIL!*

(Sorry for the car rant...I'll be back to my regularly scheduled SUPER FAB fashion blogging tomorrow...promise.)